This year has showed me that you cant confuse the idea of wanting intimacy with thinking you actually like someone. Within healing parts of myself, I'm noticing things I never knew were actually there that needs to be healed. I googled intimacy on google and here lies a few definitions: "close familiarity or friendship, closeness." "private cozy atmosphere" and "an intimate act, especially sexual intercourse." Often times I think I need a refresher of what intimacy truly is. I feel like there are so many forms of intimacy in life that we can't confuse with the longing of wanting intimacy with liking people that aren't for us. I have great amounts of intimacy in my life, my friends who are so supportive and family.
Time and time again I find myself in these weird yet toxic situations with individuals who cant fill my void of intimacy and quite frankly its not their fucking job to fill it. I have to be held accountable for the things that I don't have or long for inside of myself before I look for that in others. Creating a home inside of myself has always been my number one priority. I've seen people and even myself get into these relationships/situations giving it all and when its over are left with nothing.
Every winter if you have a different lover in your bed, I don't want you. I am an old soul and I'm reveling in the fact that the things that I want cant be obtained easily. I am a healer, a whole person in search of a counterpart. However, in pursuit the reciprocation factor should be easy. Simply. Intimacy for me is the love and self care I bring to myself. Just recently I went to New York by myself, I had so much fun and interacted with so many different people. That's intimacy for me. Making my girls a homecooked meal and them telling me that it was the best meal they had and I was the best mommy ever is intimacy. Buying new candles, and listening to new music, is intimacy. I am intimacy, intimacy is me. I can create it with my atmosphere, with my love for myself and others. So for whomever is listening, love on yourself hard before you look for intimacy in a counterpart.
Love and light,